I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
