Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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