Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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