dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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