as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
