barbara walters just said penis...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
