A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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