You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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