At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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