Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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