I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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