I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
