Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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