im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
