i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
