Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize