Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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