Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
