he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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