After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Houston, we have a blender
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
