There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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