What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were trust falling into bushes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
