She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
