I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
