sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
