I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
