Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
