im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
