she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
