just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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