I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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