He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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