idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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