I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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