she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
