it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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