you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
