terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
