you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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