it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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