the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
