please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
