You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Welp...herpes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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