I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
