A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
