Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
