he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
