The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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