he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
