Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
