WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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