She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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