how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
