I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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