just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
