You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
