Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
