Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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