It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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