he was CRYING into my vagina
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
