Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
