she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
