went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
