____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
