What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
