feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
