I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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