I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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