Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
