goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
