So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
