Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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